Dang it!
Well in so many words that's what I said as I crashed into the back of a pick-up truck and Rah was in the back seat telling me how I was gonna get it from daddy, like I didn't know that much. What's new? For those of you who don't know "Hello my name is Kenchasa, my friends call me Nicki - my alter is Forest Nicki - and I simply am not good with life"! Well things of value in life, well value as far as material possessions to "normal people". I seem to only desire the simple things - not that I don't like nice things don't get me wrong, its just that whenever I get my hands on something of sheer value, it's only a matter of time before I lose, break, damage, or give it away. I just don't seem to care much about material things - never have, never will.
Possessions are nice but you can always get them: they can always be lost, and they can always be reattained (is reattained a word?). I think that philosophy came to me when I was thrown into the reality of poverty after my parents divorce. It's hard to digests going from being one of the perceived affluent kids - first of my peer group with a computer (I remember it an Apple IIc, we had to actually type the commands on the green screen) and having a big concave floor model Zenith Space Command TV that had a speaker phone in it so we didn't even have to get up to answer the phone we just spoke through the TV! So from that to having to date to eat (and that's putting it mildly) and hanging sheets up in the balcony window then running from the bathroom to the bedroom so the passing traffic wouldn't see you naked - all in what seemed like a year - but probably more like 3, but we never financially recovered (Thank God, I made it out in one piece); Jesus is surely merciful.
So now I take possessions with a grain of salt. I only hold a few treasured items dear. One being my blankie "woobie" and everyone who knows me knows I suck both thumbs (thanks to my granddad spitting on one trying to break the bad habit, and then I switched - and somehow forgot which one along the way, nasty bastard). I guess a gal like me can't give up her security just yet. Darryl on the other hand hates it, he'd probably burn it if not for me jumping into the flames after it and until recently I couldn't list a single other material thing.
Which brings about this blog. So I know I got all "heavy" and you guys are probably not used to that from me, hence the blog's title "Forest Nicki". She's who is usually in the forefront - carefree and careless. Darryl said its one of the main reasons he fell in love with me, because "I'd run into the woods and chase unicorns and butterflies"...and that just about sums her/me up. I was once told that I needed to come back to the "real world and visit from time to time although it is overrated in my opinion because Kenchasa/Nicki need oxygen"! Ha was my reply - I've been living my life this way for so long why bother changing, let me just be. I do get stressed, upset, and angry - but when I get to my max - I just zone out and go to "The Forest".
Maybe its because I've always wanted a tree house - a big old tree house where I could hide from life when it was bothersome and come back into it when it pleased me, so I created one for myself. It all was working out well until my two worlds began to sorta overlap and my "Forest" began to become more of my reality that the reality itself. Now it's not like I didn't know what reality was or that I existed in reality; I simply just didn't care, and I opted to live in "The Forest". I simply said "F*** it" - now tell me you've never wanted to do that?
The thing is, living in "The Forest" is tricky and I decided that maybe I needed to take another look at that advice and seek a "bit of air"; simply because one many forget that one has been removed from life (introverted) as long as they actually had and things go haywire; i.e. there are consequences for your actions (I'm actually laughing now at some of the things that I have gotten myself into over the years). So I concluded that people have different names for their personal "Forest" and I believe and as I have grown, I better know my triggers and better regulate my visits - but I really don't see anything wrong with "zoning out" from time to time to prevent me from being totally impulsive and "Blacking Out" on someone (in more way than one); I think it's a perfectly rational response.
OK, Ive really been ranting (its therapeutic, ya know) and I'm sure your like this girl is certifiable, and your right - but oh well. So I was in "The Forest", dang Darryl... - and BANG into the back of the truck! Not going fast or anything but the truck was stopped at a traffic light (sunny outside and I was trying to put down my visor), no excuse - either way wasn't paying attention, and the truck had a tow-hitch and since my car has like a trillion miles on it from visiting all of y'all across country, although it was in perfect condition otherwise - due to likely radiator, engine, AC, frame, and whatever else damage (by that time the representative said "totaled", and they were speaking to me in Charlie Brown teacher language!!!! LOL). Dang - it was totaled; maybe they could tell Darryl?
Well, you know I grabbed my incense and climbed down from that "proverbial tree house" pretty quickly at the thought of telling him. It snapped the "Forest" right out of me! LOL I could care less about the car, it was the "Darryl Backlash" - I'm like a regular Lucille Ball (seriously) I broke my Nook, like a month after he bought it for me (after I begged forever for it) and fried my iPod nano by accidentally leaving it in the car; I knew this was in another realm- this is the whole dang car! So of course everyone was OK, the other driver was more concerned about me & Rah - if it weren't for his dang tow-hitch all would have been well but noooo his truck sat in a perfect position for my low car just to pivot all around it with my engine, stupid tow hitch! HA HA HA. I literally felt like you feel when you are about to get a whipping; when you were little and you had to go to the bathroom; that's how I felt at the thought of tell Darryl. And then Rah is in the back seat yelling "Daddy's gonna get yoooouuuuu!", didn't make it any better at all!
So I called a friend to pick me up and didn't tell Darryl until the very last minute, he ended up being very understanding - I told him over the best peppermint foot rub ever! My wrist were hurting but I figured he couldn't punch me in the head because he couldn't reach his feet while I was massaging them and he couldn't kick me because he was in the zone with the massage, LOL! I think he knew I was in "Forest Nicki" mode when it happened and he was the cause of it so he didn't wanna force me back up my ladder rope with his reaction - but I do think he was genuinely happy that we were all unharmed.
So since I still carried full coverage I got a fair price, the money will be used to buy a beautiful 54 Chevy reminiscent of the Sanford & Son truck (my dream vehicle that I've wanted for many, many years). Darryl said I can get it as long as it runs and can get me to and from work (which is about a 5-minute commute round trip). He's such a patient man, I'm truly blessed. In the mean time friend Mrs. Smith has loaned me a vehicle of hers until I get my truck, it's $11K and I'm only getting a little over half if that for my car so I must make up the difference and try to negotiate it down a bit - I don't think Darryl is gonna contribute; I really may get that punch in the head if I ask! LOL
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I actually wiped the window with my hand to try to get a pic of the inside! Good thing I wasn't arrested for trespassing or suspected car theft! |
So you see, no worries - well not over possessions, just the repercussions from husbands from totaling possessions. And God gave me one that is patient and loving, to offset the fact that I am well...quite irrational and unstable! LOL - But he loves me for it - and I love him for that!
Update:
3-weeks later I lost my engagement ring in the VFW bathroom while changing for a Zumba class! Here comes that feeling again.... BTW 12/27 will be our 7th anniversary. That's surely gotta count for something, right ;)
I called the building the following morning in a sheer panic and the receptionist located it under the sink! Whew!!! I dodged a bullet on that one- but in the meantime I couldn't drive there to retrieve it immediately because as I was so stressed over losing the ring in the first place, I somehow lost the car keys to the car I'm borrowing from my friend. The keys were later located...in the ignition of the car! I had exited the car that morning and parked as I usually do when going to work but somehow negected to remove the keys from the ignition! The car was still running from since I arrived, while I had been working inside all morning! I know, I know - what can I say :)